she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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