I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
