I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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