I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
