I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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