True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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