Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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