You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
