Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
