Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
