I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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