i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
