you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
