Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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