We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
