Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
