Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
