Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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