Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
