I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
