"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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