Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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