So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
