wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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