I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
