Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
