So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
