She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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