I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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