just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
