I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
