i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
