i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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