I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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