OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
