never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Randomize
