the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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