What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i will never coherently bang her
ttyl tear gas
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had to cum in my sink.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
