All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
