from now on my penis is your penis
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
