Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Randomize
