He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
