i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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