i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
