I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
