a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
