pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
