he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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