I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
