no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
