it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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