You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
