I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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