Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
