i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
