they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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