She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
