i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
