Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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