you guys were way drunker than both of me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We're too hungover to prance.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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