how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
