SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My balls are so social today.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
