just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
