Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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